DOGS IN THE BATHROOM

Flo Heap

 

 

To dream of a dog wearing a hat means that you are projecting an aspect of yourself onto someone else. Do not do this! Be aware of what the dogs are trying to tell you. If you listen to the dogs carefully, you will find that they are very wise. They will tell you that you ought to be nicer. They will tell you that you ought to stop being so demanding. They will tell you that if you want real friends you need to start running in a pack.

 

If you tend to walk into crowds and feel like everyone looks a bit like you, be careful. Also be careful if you think that crowds are actually real. And remember that crowds are not packs.

 

There are many advantages to dogs. For example; they have been clinically proven to help with depression. They will bark if someone is trying to break into your house. If you suddenly lose your sight they can function as your eyes. All of these things could happen. All of these things will be easier to prevent/bear if you have a dog.

 

However, it is a misconception that a dog will love you unequivocally. I’ve met lots of dogs that are actually pretty critical.

 

One of my neighbours once went blind from accidentally ingesting a chlorine based kitchen cleaner. Her children made her buy a dog so that she wouldn’t get run over or bump into people when she was walking down the street. Unfortunately, she was allergic to the saliva dogs produce. She told them that she would be happy with just a white stick but they wouldn’t listen. Now her bathroom cabinets are full of antihistamines and boxes of man-size tissues.

 

All of the dogs used to be so small that they could crawl out of my eyes but lately they’ve been getting bigger and bigger. Whenever I try and go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, it is full of greyhounds that I have to climb over.

 

Another advantage to packs is that you are three times less likely to get mauled/eaten by another stronger animal. This is particularly advantageous if you feel like you are a sickly person.

 

My neighbour’s dog was a mongrel although her children told her that it was a pedigree Labrador. They told her lots of things that weren’t true now that she couldn’t see. The dog she had was good at making sure that she didn’t get lost or hit by cars but it wheezed a lot. Her children liked to think that it wheezed out of sympathy for her allergies but it was actually just due to poor breeding. Also, it had wary eyes.

 

After a while it may get to a point where there are just too many dogs in your house and they are all trying to tell you different things and you can’t hear anything anymore. Then you might have to get them to leave. Usually the dogs do not like being told to leave very much because they will have grown attached to you. They might put up a fight. But if you get on your knees and growl really loudly they will run away.

 

Then there will be no dogs in your house anymore.

 

I think when I last looked in your eye I saw a really tiny dog trying to escape.

 

 

Flo Heap is a twenty year old student, originally from London. She currently lives and studies in Dublin. Her short story ‘Cannibal’ will be included in Stag Hill Journal print Issue 1, coming in Spring 2018.

 

Featured image: ‘The Canine of Rhodes© Hilmil1

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